The Upswing

The last few days I have felt spectacular. Like amazing in new ways. I feel ALIVE. The world seems to have a rose-colored blush and no matter how the day goes I end it feeling strong and powerful and unconquerable.

Okay, so it lasted a few days. You gotta enjoy that kind of euphoria while it lasts. Lap it up. Revel in it. So, I did.

Today, it left. Today, I feel fat and bloated. Vulnerable and scared. Stupid and brand new at all of this. Today has been much harder. I want to curl up on my couch, wrap a blanket tight around me and stay out of the world for a couple of days. Or, I want to hike up the side of a mountain in the sunshine and forget about bills and responsibilities, tasks and deadlines. I think that sounds very nice.

I would like to smell the fresh air and breathe deeply and watch spring start to come alive up in the mountains. I want to do the Maria twirl from Sound of Music in an alpine meadow of my own. I really do not want to wake up tomorrow and shoulder the responsibilities of the day. Yet, regardless, the sun will rise tomorrow and there will be work to do.

I have loved that high of the last few days. I have wanted it to last. It is almost like being in love. I feel so invincible, so in tune with my world, so alive to every emotion. This may sound ridiculous but even tipping the scales at 280, I have started to feel . . . beautiful.

I really am a romantic at heart. I want the fairytale, the happily ever after, the bliss of love. The intoxicating power of changing your life is you start to feel like all those things are possible.

And that brings hope.


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