A letter I wrote to my sisters recently after reading an article that prompted deep feelings about the blessing of motherhood. 


I read this article today by a mother of 7 young children about her own mothering experiences and why two children (even one child) was so much harder for her than multiple children. The essay felt so beautiful to me.

I think one thing that charmed me was the joy and the love this woman expressed at doing something hard but learning so much from it. She talked about how with experience her wisdom had grown. I related to that. 

I started my job ten years ago and did NOT know what I was doing. I was enthusiastic. I was interested in the topic. I had more experience with it than any of my co-workers. But I stumbled nearly every day at my job. I wasn't clear about the direction we should go in or exactly how I was supposed to improve things. There didn't seem to be anyone around to teach me either. But management kept demanding RESULTS out of me. Every day. They wanted me to do it better and faster and more efficiently. I felt like I was scrambling every day for years. One year in particular I went to work every day with a knot in my stomach. I dreaded Monday mornings. There were always more problems than I knew how to solve, knew what to do with, knew how to handle. Some days I thought it might just crush me. 

And you know what? Today there are still lots of problems, lot of decisions to make, lots of scrambling. But I have learned the importance of collaboration, organization, asking questions, clarifying, then picking my priorities and fighting for them. The last few years have been the best at my job. We have doubled our online sales. Every year our online traffic grows markedly. Our daily blogging has transformed our site.The shape of that idea came to me one summer at a particularly critical time. It has become the foundation of outreach to our customers, our weekly emails, the thrust of our marketing focus. I've learned wisdom through all of this experience. That is how I related to this mother blogging. Children, multiple children and time have taught her wisdom and she has been awake to it. 

More than anything, I wish I was a mother. I want a husband, babies, a family. You, all of you, are mothers many times over or have the chance to be mothers soon. Cissy and Michelle are welcoming their next babies. I am sure there will be others of you too adding to your families. I know you spend a lot of time in the trenches of motherhood wiping noses and bottoms and carpooling and doing laundry and trying to figure out what is for dinner. I think you do it so beautifully. There is always a lot of talk about women and our choices and not sacrificing our opportunities. Sometimes there is not enough talk about what we lose when we don't choose our fertility and a family. I see what is lost. I see what you have gained. I am grateful for your choices. 

Love you!


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